Consider the Lilies

[I'm going to get rather personal in this post - more personal than I normally am here on my blog. It's time for some more healing. Mom, I guarantee you that you'll cry when you read what I've written. I did.]

{image via}

When I was quite young, my family experienced some immensely difficult trials. My mother, who had four young children at the time, dealt continually with poor physical, emotional, and mental health, for many years. It wasn't until I was about eight or nine years that I began to understand somewhat the things that I would witness - things that were very traumatic to me. I struggled a lot, especially being so young and having to take on, in many ways, the responsibility of caring for my younger siblings. I felt like no one understood my mother and her trials. At a young age, I began to feel like I could not trust anyone. Very soon, I began to think that I couldn't show my true self to the world, that I needed to hide who I was . . . so that I wouldn't be hurt too. I was nine. I still carry many of those issues regarding not trusting others and hiding my heart, though they are being released, replaced, and healed. Many, many times, I would simply feel . . . lost. Out of place. Alone. I remember laying in my bed many a night, with tears streaming down my cheeks, wondering if I would ever see my real mommy again; the mommy that was happy, strong, healthy, complete. During those trying times, there was a song that seemed to always be playing in the background of my life: Consider the Lilies. It was my special hymn, and I turned to it, and to my Savior, when I hurt the most. 
Consider the lilies of the field,How they grow, how they grow.Consider the birds in the sky,How they fly, how they fly.He clothes the lilies of the field.He feeds the birds in the sky.And He will feel those who trust HimAnd guide they with His eye.
Consider the sheep of His foldHow they follow where He leads.Tho' their path may wind across the mountains,He knows the meadows where they feed. He clothes the lilies of the field.He feeds the birds in the sky.And He will fee those who rust HimAnd guide them with His eye.
Consider the sweet tender childrenWho must suffer on this earth.The pains of all of them He carriedFrom the day of His Birth.He clothes the lilies of the field,He feeds the lambs of His foldAnd He will heal those who trust Him,And make their hearts as gold.
That song was performed in Sacrament Meeting today, and as I listened to those beautiful, peaceful, healing words, I realized with complete joy that the Lord never forsook me when I was little. He did hold me, and feed me; comfort me, and teach me. I have gained meekness and strength through my trials. Despite major adversity, I have kept a soft heart. I am being made whole, as is my mother, and all of my family. Our hearts have been made as gold.
I testify that God our Heavenly Father loves us. He desires to bless us. He sent His Son to this Earth to carry our pains and afflictions, as well as our sins and mistakes. He understands our hearts. He will hold and feed us when we are frightened and hungry. He will always be there for us, to lift us up to stand next to Him in the midst of our trials. We are weak at times, but through His power and grace, we can be made strong. We are His children. I say these things with all of my heart, in the name of my Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.
Happy Easter. He is Risen!